So, lately I've had a lot of requests/suggestions to start blogging about Dark Heart.

I figure the best place to start is the begining. When I was a little kid I wanted nothing more than to be in movies some day, a common dream. I poured my little life into theatre, and that dream carried me all the way up in to college... but something always nagged at me; it just seems so egocentric! I was raised to be humble and pious (which I still struggle with) and I figured that a carrier in acting would only feed the desire for fame.

But now we have a problem, the two things that I had dedicated my life to, my faith and theatre, didn't seem to fit together, unless I wanted to end up making some crazy Christian propaganda films... and I'd much rather not. ;)

I did a lot of volunteer work in my teen years, going to Mexico, working with the homeless, spending time at Ronald McDonnald house, working at half-way homes, Soup Kitchens, hurricane relief and a number of other things. This on top of my experiences with the Boy Scouts really pushed me to want to go do things that others wern't as prepaired for, and so my sights were refocused on someday joining the Peace Corps. In order to do this though, I had to obtain a college degree...

I spent night after night in Emporia Kansas, a small farming/college town, simply wasting my time, and wishing that there was more that I could be doing to help. I found ways to keep occupied; Emporia is surrounded by shanty towns that immigrants live in so they can be close to the Meat processing plants and migrant work in the fields for farmers, and I did as much out reach as I could. The personal benifit here was that it helped me pay much more attention in Spanish class, but the downfall was that I became so engrossed in helping them that I didn't make it to many other classes... you can see where this would be a problem.

So, I dropped out, headed back to Kansas City where I could, once again, work for the Homelessness Services... which went well for a while.

In time, however, the jones to act or do something theatre related returned. Lucky for me, this is when I reunited with my best childhood friend, Phil. We started talking about film again, and finally it clicked! We should make documentaries! Our first response was that we wanted to just quit our jobs and start driving around the country filming everything... but then something happened.

I was presented with another opportunity; going to Kenya for a few weeks to do work there. If you know me at all, you would know that halfway thru the first sentence I only had one question; "When do we head out?"

I wish that I could tell you how much of a life-changing experience it was, but words don't even come close. Just know this when you look at the following picture, and I think you might understand:  These kids live in the second largest slum in the world (second only to Calcutta) and most of their parents are dead. The boy with the white collar and green shirt is HIV positive, and chances are that all of them will die of AIDS or something related to their living conditions. Now, that being said, look at their faces, and you should be able to understand why I fell in love with Africa so quickly...


When I got back state-side and Phil asked, "How was Africa?" I just told him that we were going to go film over there first... Before I could finish my first sentence he only had once question; "When do we head out?"

Everyone that I've talked to has been so receptive to our plans, even as vague as they are. The Living Love Fellowship has offered to give us a video cammera to help us get started, so that is our first step, we have to get to Washington. So, now, Phil, another friend of mine named Dana, and Myself are headed out at the first of the year, taking our journey crammed in a car. We're making all the preparations that we can, but if this is a quality adventure, there will be tons of unplanned mayhem!

It is my intention to continue to keep you all updated on the progress of Dark Heart Films (what we're calling it for now), so keep checking back to see what we're up to. Also, I have created a pod with the same name, so if you want to show some support, please feel free to join and give us any ideas/feedback you might have!

I have to say thank you again to those of you who have helped me so far. You have no idea what it means to me. All I can give back right now is a gift that I recieved while I was in Kenya, and I want to share it with you all:



It's hard to make out, but at the end but Mama Ndio (mother yes) says "now clap for us" which made me laugh.

Much love to you all,

Christian

This is taken from an E-mail to Praveer (and others):

Lately, I've been listening more to the big-everything with every ounce of my being, and it keeps telling me the same thing; “Show the world the world”.
At first, I wasn't sure exactly what that meant, so I made it my point to stay away from the computer and go deep into the heart of that issue, and also Kansas City…
As usual, the city of Fountains and Blues showed me what I need to do.
Today, my buddy Phil and I had our first meeting with the head social worker for the HSC (homelessness services coalition) to discuss a new project, gonzo journalism among the homeless via film and art. We got Corporate backing from H&R Block, however, not much money from them. Our goal with this project, as with any form of documentary, is to raise awareness. We're going to be hosting a gallery that shows art of homeless people, or by homeless people, also featuring the film we are soon going to begin production on. Also, we're going to be publishing a book of writings by the homeless of the greater KC area. So far we have representation from about 80% of the non-profits that work with homeless, so we'll be able to have them at our benefit so people can get involved in whatever level they feel compelled.
On top of that, I leave for Kenya on Sunday to work with the Episcopal Diocese of Kansas, and Comfort the Children International to spend time with HIV positive orphans. It's sad; so many people throw money at Africa without looking at where it goes to, just so they can feel good about “pitching in”, but these kids aren't a worthwhile investment. The thought process that i read out of that is “Well, these kids are already doomed to die early, why waste money on a lost cause?”… Well, I don't feel that that's what we as human beings should be about…but hey, that's why I'm going, right? I'm planning on taking an ass load of pictures and interviews and compiling it in some form… perhaps another book if I can get the proceeds for it.
As you can see, I feel as though everything is starting to fall into line… perhaps the Mayans were right? The other day, I felt the need to go to Westport, a small part of town here in KC, because I knew that I was supposed to meet someone new… I sat and people watched for several hours, talking to random folks as they walked by. But then something amazing happened! This older gypsy man was walking by and noticed me. Immediately he asked me if I was ok, and then if I was a traveler. “I'm trying to be” I said with dead honesty. He then told me that he was going to help me out, and with that, he pulled out a stone with a line of crystal running through it. I've never been one to buy into the “power” of stones, but I guess this made me a believer, because at once, I felt the power and energy of good vibes pass through me. He told me to keep the stone safe and it would keep me safe, and then called me by my name (which I hadn't told him) and told me to “Do it.” I have never had psychic abilities to my knowledge, but somehow I knew to call him by his name (John) and we mused about how we just knew. ” Isn't that wild?” he said as he walked away. And it is…the worlds energy is just heating up, and I'm sure you can sense it too, but I just can't sit still any longer, which leads me to my next point;

Phil (who i mentioned before), Cathryn (who is on Zaadz), and myself are ready to help “show the world the world.” As we acquire a video camera from the homeless project, and we have begun to realize that KC is pushing us to go (even being so scary), we feel the need to become Gypsies, nomads, outlaws of sorts… to experience what this continent really has to offer, from bums to millionaires, Christians to witches, cowboys to campers, farmers to stock-brokers… from the small towns of Kansas to the sweat shops of Mexico, and the booming metropolis of NYC… and to show it to everyone we can. Filming every step of the way, talking to everyone we can. Go to peace rallies and then to bar fights… see it all. The Ghettos and gardens. “Show the world the world”… i continue to meditate on that; it doesn't say to show the world MY world… but to show us us. Dr. Hunter S. Thompson did that by developing Gonzo Journalism, the mix of participant anthropology and documentation combined, and he's inspired 3 generations so far, and think of how many more to come… But the common man doesn't read anymore if they can help it… but they sure as hell watch TV and films… so imagine, what if HST had had a camera?

And that's what we want to do… but finding the means is hard. Money is tight with 3 college drop-outs who want to change the world. And now I turn to you, not for money, but for help. We need to figure out ways to cut costs, to find sponsorship and exposure, and as a PR major I understand that networking works best… who do you know? how can you help? I beg of you, help me on my starting block of my mission, and help me show the world the world… something tells me that the world needs itself, and since we are one, I need you.

I know it's a lot to ask, but please! help me.

Sleeping by the way-side of tomorrow,

Christian

I think I met Lao Tzu yesterday in the form of a homeless man. I'm part of a group here in KC called Uplift, and we go to all the shanty towns here and deliver food, cloths, hygenic supplies, dog food, books, etc… and this man, who everyone calls buckwheat and I ended up talking around the camp fire for about 3 hours. He was obviously a bit mentally unstable, but a good soul (I find most times, that the two go hand in hand). I started talking to him about the Tao, and the idea of just having faith in your abilities. It was very easy for him to grasp, and he expressed to me that even though he knew that he was ill in the mind, he had found inner peace on the streets. He's been in and out of programs that help the mentally “handicaped” and always was greatful for the aid that they give, but that in those venues, very seldom do people want to talk about deeper philosophy. It's not that he chooses to be homeless, but by letting go of that system and moving into one of the camps he was able to be respected more, and have the freedom he wanted. The way he put it was that the system seems to want to babysit more than facilitate. We read out of the Tao Te Ching together, and I also gave him a pocket bible that he had requested several weeks ago, and he seemed to light up as we read. Verse 29 really grabbed him;
“Do you want to improve the world?
I don't think it can be done.
The world is sacred
It can't be improved.
If you tampe with it, you'll ruin it.
If you treat it like an object, you'll lose it.
There is a time for being ahead,
A time for being behind;
a time for being in motion,
a time for being at rest,
a time for being vigorous,
a time for being exhausted,
a time for being safe,
a time for being in danger.
The master sees things as they are,
without trying to control them.
(s)he lets them go their own way,
and resides at the center of the circle.”
We reflected on that for a little while, and found that it applied to both of our situations.
He seemed at odds with society because of what he didn't have, but he said that he truly did feel like he was getting closer to the center of the circle.
Driving home I listened to one of my favorite bands, sublime, and the lyric “sometimes you get shown the light in the strangest of places if you look at it right” made me smile, as it always does.

Well, I was born Baby Boy Martin, but shortly after being adopted, it was changed. I was supposed to carry a family name James Christian Lynch, but the social worker screwed up and put Christian James instead, and my parents, being lazy as they are, thought it fine… however, they changed it many times from christian to christopher to christoph and back again. To be honnest, I respond to just about any of them, but most just call me Chris or 'Toph'.

Welcome to a generation of compliance. The indifference of a nation's youth, and rotted brains by a Nintendo childhood, has compelled us to take an unoffending stance against all. Brainwashed to be politically correct...except in the company of friends, where taboo subjects become the norm. Zombies, drones, mindless automatons, all of whom rebel only when they want to stand out; not for true ambitions and personal disparities, flourish in this time. The "right" and "just" have been replaced with the "lesser evil" and "cost margins", a general malaise has overtaken this echo of dangerous times. We have learned to take all we can when we can, to live in the moment; not in a dog-eat-dog lifestyle, but more a state of being, clinging to twigs. Questioning is treachery. Self-medication is the only escape. We are the generation of the damned; doomed to live with the world we still have yet to inherit; grimly awaiting the day that we have had set before us... no bright tomorrow, just the elder's promises that our small and pointless contributions will be worth nothing; doomed. Perhaps we would complain of broken dreams and our loss of our illusions grandeur, but that would necessitate that we were allowed, let alone able, to dream...

In these shattered bits of soul I see a face. A boy, a man, something else; something less than more than less than more. From the ashes I must rise, and dust the soot off my dreams, lost in the storm of tyrants and devils inside and out of the mind in the face of the soul I hold in my hands of stigmatic blood and wash away the sins with tears of red and white and blue are my soulless fiends that rip me apart to start again so that my thoughts are never ending the life of grief is not a sin for which I weep, but cry with joy in thoughts of the future son that will not but feel the full of melancholy life that he will live without, without, without him I am so sad and my sass comes across as an attitude that I cops are not the enemies are everywhere these days, even as they are stuck in my head; right and left with flashes of darkness and shrouded in light to fool the noble and wicked alike for purposes all there own are the reasons that I have been given for why the world works the way it does anyone really know what is going on and on are my thoughts as if they'll never stop taunting me and torturing me with lies and teases of greater things look dark, as if they'll drop me straight down in the gutters sit the homeless, but what are their true thoughts of what they seas of blood flow across the floor like his cup of coins but he only has the change is what he wants not your dollars rule the skies of demonic red forced by hands of the powerless is what I feel these days of confusion has set in as I just sit with my thoughts that no one can touch me, just don't touch mean things float back and forth within my soulless carcasses of dead road-kill stops me in my tracks of tires peeling out of the spaces they wish not to hold me closely comes the wings of death as I hear them flutter overhead the planes fly packed with bombshells of emotion hit me every way I turn upon turn upon turn I find myself facing myself, empty, alone in the dark is all I see anymore people want to just tack something onto my board of pain is what consumes me weather I like it or not enough whatever I do is not enough it seems as though nobody really knows where I am coming from the pits of despair and you've never been there or you know what bothers me the most is that no mater how hard I push or push away I just end up still pushing and all I cause is more babbling streams and trees and rocks and nature has taken her course of action is not in line with mines of coal and valuable gems do not interest is not accruing in my banks of muddy waters that fill with silt and clog my mind with a little something to stop it from going off the tracks is where I find the wreckage of break-down like I mean it, lost in oblivion is all I have as I try to make senses are all out of wack as I grab at anything I can hold on to whatever you can as the world spins out of control is what I like to have over everything except my emotions are flooding the damn this crazy thing called life is beautiful girl I love you are here today is the worst day in history has proven time and again that the greatest fall the hardest part of all this is making me feel like I know where I am going to go insane people are not helping me to find where I can crash on the couch and think about then I can just look at this life and take a break-down...

Dreadful days of dogmatic ways,

Where saints fall by the side,

The meek can barely move to speak,

And powerful show their pride.

The closer to god the holy man gets,

The closer they are to sin,

It’s simply the costs the devil sets,

Verse the will-power not to give in.

So where can a wise man turn?

What is the lesson we learn?

Is this hell something we earn,

Or in injustice we burn?

Given the power to spin a web and turn a tale, and catch other serpent-tounged talkers in the midst of their wake, one finds the ability to also dodge bullets. Life's wretched rifle called time rebukes our recompense and causes us to regress to infantile states of being. You take hold of a drug for it to take hold of you, and while you gain insight, you lose perspective self... such is the way of the world. A downward spiral has to have a center point, and to come from the outer rim is a slippery slope. It is when you find yourself lost in the haze that you realized either how far you've come or fallen. Can it be both? To wake up is to return to the grind, to stick the needle of life in your arm, to spark being on the end of your smoke... life is an addiction. Even a drugless life is one of dependence. But now I turn it backward; where life is what it is. Released of all dependency, save one. So much has brought me back down to the top, to hit the rock-bottem of the glass ceiling... and it is with this dualistic mirror that my webs that tie me down break, and my tales become reality... realizing that the split-tongue terrors tell the truth. I am a bullet, surging through my own life, and I smile, because here, as long as I am turned around by the common life, I see that the "son" rises in the east. Today, two steps back is tantamount to one step forward.

Expunging liberties right and left is not an act of patriotism, for by locking into political and dogmatic schemes, one annuls their call to duty, their call to protection of the people from the harvest, and once one allows for the so-called systematic, pragmatic, bureaucratic, automatic, and emphatic implementations that a burking hulk of a miniscule ruling class imposes, using propaganda, in order to imperialize the thoughts of an otherwise schismatic mind, one is lost; a meal to the beast, for once this has happened, you are no longer a functioning mind, no longer a free spirit, routed in your own personal beliefs, but rather, you become an extension to a parliamentary think-tank, a number, one shell of ammunition, one soldier in a so far bloodless civil war; lured in by the simple enticement portrayed through a political platform; one issue that rings true to the heart of all man-kind, you find yourself rallying behind a demigog, you become a faceless form of the mass that whirrs and buzzes with direful, Jeremiad like foreboding of what will happen if your all powerful, diplomatic soothsayer does not obtain the status that their personal agenda requires to make the "necessary" changes that will alter this world, as it has never been done before...

~Christian